Friday, September 16, 2011
Today has been rough. I'm feeling very disoriented and out of it. My head pain is still at a maximum, but I still found time to enjoy myself.
Spent some time with my new nephew Asher:
Now Alex is home for the day and we're just kicking back, relaxing and watching movies.
Here's hoping for a better weekend.
Spent some time with my new nephew Asher:
Now Alex is home for the day and we're just kicking back, relaxing and watching movies.
Here's hoping for a better weekend.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Well for those of you who don't know a lot has changed in my life. In November of last year (2010), I had what you would call a nervous breakdown. I was just completely overwhelmed by financial problems, medical problems, and mental health problems. All of these problems kept me from focusing on doing what was most important which is taking care of myself and Alexandria. Everything was slipping away from me...basic everyday care, bills, cleaning...literally everything. It hurts me to think about it, but I definitely wasn't taking very good care of myself, let alone Alexandria. I finally just broke down and realized I couldn't keep living like that and told my family I just couldn't take life in general anymore.
Since then, my parents have pulled me into being a completely different person and I am so much happier. I moved out of my home, which was very hard for me because I hate to rely on anyone and I try to be very independent. I don't like to accept help from others. I'm seeing the specialists I need to see and getting the help I need. I'm completely responsible for Alex's care, but have help and backup if I need it. Don't let me kid you, nothing is ever perfect. I have my moments where I just feel like, "What the hell was I thinking?" But I don't regret it. Because of my health issues, I still have huge financial problems, but I take that one day at a time because there is not much I can do about it.
I've been learning to say "no" to people and put myself and Alex's needs first. This is something I've never done before. I know for some it seems silly, but I am the person that CONSTANTLY is helping others out. So much so, that I would never turn anyone down and end up running myself ragged. I've learned that never give more to a person/relationship than the person/relationship gives back to you. I can't keep giving and giving of myself and get nothing in return. This has been a hugely difficult task for me. For anyone that knows me, I don't say "no" to helping people out often. I have a huge guilt complex but I've greatly improved on this and am proud of myself for it.
There are still a lot of unanswered questions and testing going on medically. They know I have Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue, but neither of those explain the left sided weakness, pain, numbness and convulsions/seizures I have going on. They've done so many tests and I am thinking that my next step will be the Mayo Clinic. However my state of mind has never been better. I try to stay positive and enjoy the wonderful aspects of my life.
I plan to post more regularly from now on. I want to make this a sort of diary of my life, that hopefully one day my daughter will look back on fondly.
Right now, I'm doing a test called an ambulatory EEG. It reads my brain waves to see if they can see what is causing my seizures. I have to wear it for three days. I've done a day and a half so far. I can't wait to get this thing off! Here's a picture of the loveliness on my head....
In all it's glory:
Cleverly hidden in a wrap:
The cute little FANNY PACK (blech) I use to carry the machine around in:
Since then, my parents have pulled me into being a completely different person and I am so much happier. I moved out of my home, which was very hard for me because I hate to rely on anyone and I try to be very independent. I don't like to accept help from others. I'm seeing the specialists I need to see and getting the help I need. I'm completely responsible for Alex's care, but have help and backup if I need it. Don't let me kid you, nothing is ever perfect. I have my moments where I just feel like, "What the hell was I thinking?" But I don't regret it. Because of my health issues, I still have huge financial problems, but I take that one day at a time because there is not much I can do about it.
I've been learning to say "no" to people and put myself and Alex's needs first. This is something I've never done before. I know for some it seems silly, but I am the person that CONSTANTLY is helping others out. So much so, that I would never turn anyone down and end up running myself ragged. I've learned that never give more to a person/relationship than the person/relationship gives back to you. I can't keep giving and giving of myself and get nothing in return. This has been a hugely difficult task for me. For anyone that knows me, I don't say "no" to helping people out often. I have a huge guilt complex but I've greatly improved on this and am proud of myself for it.
There are still a lot of unanswered questions and testing going on medically. They know I have Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue, but neither of those explain the left sided weakness, pain, numbness and convulsions/seizures I have going on. They've done so many tests and I am thinking that my next step will be the Mayo Clinic. However my state of mind has never been better. I try to stay positive and enjoy the wonderful aspects of my life.
I plan to post more regularly from now on. I want to make this a sort of diary of my life, that hopefully one day my daughter will look back on fondly.
Right now, I'm doing a test called an ambulatory EEG. It reads my brain waves to see if they can see what is causing my seizures. I have to wear it for three days. I've done a day and a half so far. I can't wait to get this thing off! Here's a picture of the loveliness on my head....
In all it's glory:
Cleverly hidden in a wrap:
The cute little FANNY PACK (blech) I use to carry the machine around in:
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
