Saturday, September 19, 2009
First of all, I hate this term. Baby Daddy, Baby momma...how about the mother of my child or the father of my child...or Alex's dad or Alex's mom? The term itself is diminishing and WE ALL know it has a negative connotation to it.
So why am I bringing this up? I have been guilty of complaining about Alex's dad, but when reflecting on it, things could be a lot worse. I guess I look at some of my male friends who are excellent fathers and get the shaft. Other male friends are not, but constantly complain about the women that they leave their child in the care of. I look at some of my female friends and they have children whose fathers are amazing, but they still constantly complain. I also have female friends who don't have their children often, but constantly complain about the man they leave their child in the care of.
Something about this drives me crazy. I know that relationships don't always work out, or that the child was not planned in a relationship that wasn't meant to be forever. That's okay. But the primary focus should be on the happiness and well being of the child. It would be awesome if both parents were involved and could get along well, but it doesn't always happen like that. Complaining about too much involvement or lack there of is not going to help change anything and is probably harming your child.
I have to admit I've seen some pretty unfair situations. One friend has a child he takes half of the time, pays for the child's private education and extracurricular activites. On top of this he is an amazing father who cherishes his child very much. He pays child support. Does that seem fair? Not really, but he doesn't care. What irks me is that this child's mother is not appreciative and is constantly complaining about how he is not doing enough, when it's obvious to even the stupidest person that he is going well above and beyond expectations.
On the flip side I have female friends, who once they got pregnant, never saw that child's father. The father sees the child once in a great while, but yet he feels he has the right to consistently question the way she is raising "their" child. Ummm...if you don't do anything, then you have NO RIGHT to question how she does things.
I guess the point of all this is that no matter how tough of a situation is, it could ALWAYS be worse. I give big props to ALL of my friends with children, who I know do the best they can to be the best parents they can. I'm in no way trying to offend anyone. I just ask that before we (yes I need to do it too) start to point fingers or complain or start problems or argue, that we think about whether or not it is really going to accomplish anything and if it is in some way going to benefit you or your child. If not, then it's probably better off not said.
So why am I bringing this up? I have been guilty of complaining about Alex's dad, but when reflecting on it, things could be a lot worse. I guess I look at some of my male friends who are excellent fathers and get the shaft. Other male friends are not, but constantly complain about the women that they leave their child in the care of. I look at some of my female friends and they have children whose fathers are amazing, but they still constantly complain. I also have female friends who don't have their children often, but constantly complain about the man they leave their child in the care of.
Something about this drives me crazy. I know that relationships don't always work out, or that the child was not planned in a relationship that wasn't meant to be forever. That's okay. But the primary focus should be on the happiness and well being of the child. It would be awesome if both parents were involved and could get along well, but it doesn't always happen like that. Complaining about too much involvement or lack there of is not going to help change anything and is probably harming your child.
I have to admit I've seen some pretty unfair situations. One friend has a child he takes half of the time, pays for the child's private education and extracurricular activites. On top of this he is an amazing father who cherishes his child very much. He pays child support. Does that seem fair? Not really, but he doesn't care. What irks me is that this child's mother is not appreciative and is constantly complaining about how he is not doing enough, when it's obvious to even the stupidest person that he is going well above and beyond expectations.
On the flip side I have female friends, who once they got pregnant, never saw that child's father. The father sees the child once in a great while, but yet he feels he has the right to consistently question the way she is raising "their" child. Ummm...if you don't do anything, then you have NO RIGHT to question how she does things.
I guess the point of all this is that no matter how tough of a situation is, it could ALWAYS be worse. I give big props to ALL of my friends with children, who I know do the best they can to be the best parents they can. I'm in no way trying to offend anyone. I just ask that before we (yes I need to do it too) start to point fingers or complain or start problems or argue, that we think about whether or not it is really going to accomplish anything and if it is in some way going to benefit you or your child. If not, then it's probably better off not said.
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